Lilandra Memories.

[Princess Lilandra]

Lilandra was on camera with her and needed to rest had been a very long day. She had asked the maids who can care for because Lilandra had always hated it because it had always been a woman who liked to do things by herself without the need for servants. Now she was alone in the chamber, wearing a delicate white chiffon nightgown which could be the shape of her body, endless female and only one man had loved. The long, soft black hair likes raven feathers fell on her back as her endless and infinite.

Lilandra was standing in front of the immense landscape star, supported slightly above the cold wall of the chamber, she was able to recognize thousands of stars shining with intensity around a huge purple nebula, Andromeda Apus Aquarius, Aquila, Aries, Auriga ...". She had been appointed with a voice likes a whisper. Lilandra closed her eyes and dropped her head on the wall without leaving the large hatch that was in the camera and every night, Lilandra, could see from space paradise. She sighed and all thoughts were directed to him, the man she loved and could not see or touch or feel. Many thoughts all circulating troubling her mind,

Lilandra was scared because he might leave the relationship they were having in the distance was painful, dangerous and desperate. Lilandra wanted to go see him, to visit him once again, be with him all night and feel safe in his arms. But that was impossible.

A silver tear, fell for the delicate cheek of it. She was afraid, afraid of loosing him for all responsibilities that she now had. The weight of an empire that was sometimes impossible to endure death threats, threats of war from his brother D'Ken. He who had threatened to kill her and she loved humans. Especially one that was always in the heart of Lilandra. Another tear, she asked for help desperately. The mind of her wanted to communicate with Charles, it projected pictures where she was in her chamber seeing stars. Her face with tears of sadness, helplessness and despair. She wanted to talk to him by telepathy, like many other times.
"I cannot tell you anything. I owe you my life, love, my throne and security of my people. The life of all members of the empire, the universe, and freedom of the burden that my brother was. And more. You taught me to love, taught me what was necessary for me, taught me that meant having a soul mate. You helped me to become an empress to my empire and my people, you did, Charles, I grow and leave behind the vision of a scary princess who fled always problems. You, you turned me into a woman.

And I am addressing you at a great distance, where you cannot hear the things I say, where you cannot be with me where I cannot tell you how much I miss you, Charles. And I make excuses why I cannot so much as visit, knowing you have not the technology or the power to make the journey yourself any longer. And I wonder if you know, if you already understand the truth I cannot tell you, and if that is why you've never confronted me, never asked to know why I hold you at a distance. People do not always need telepathy to know the things their lovers will not tell them. Sometimes I hope you know, for then you will never ever ask me, and I need never admit my cowardice to you. But more often I hope desperately that you do not know. The truth would hurt you so much, love, and I cannot bear to hurt you.

So I am silent, and we speak nothing of our relationship, as I keep you at a distance.

Some of the happiest moments of my life was spent by your side, as we and the Starjammers fought to regain my throne. We were hunted, and afraid, and often running out of resources, with no luxury beyond what a single pirate ship could afford us. But we were together. If not for the suffering of my people under my sister's yoke, and the burden it placed on me to undo it however I could, I would have been happy to remain at your side forever.

But I had to take back my throne from my sister, to save my people, and you stood by my side to see that happen. I remember how happy we were when we won, our dreams of what we would do now that we'd taken back my Empire, how I would persuade my people to accept an alien Consort-Majestor and how you would then rule at my side, my soul mate, my love, my other self.

So I have not come to see you, or to let you near my person. I tell you it's responsibilities that keep us apart, mine to my people, you to your X-Men, and you accept this. I assume you accept it because you have never disagreed, even though I make up an excuse every time you ask if I could take a week's vacation and come to Earth, even though I have said it's concern for your health that keeps me from bringing you here to fix your damaged spine, even though I tell you I love you and yet never let you any closer than a hologram, a million light-years away. I am amazed you still believe me, and fearful that you don't, for I do still love you and I don't want to hurt you-

Forgive me, my love. I cannot bear to tell you this, I cannot bear to hurt you so. And so I let you go on believing that we still have a relationship, that it's only responsibility that keeps us apart, in hopes that you, at least, can dream for a while of a happy future for us.
For me, there is no happy future, nothing but deadening responsibility to my people and power games to be played with the men who want me and nightmares I dare not have, dare not admit to. There will never be hope again, never be love again, never be happiness again"